


The Trip Down Memory Lane

by ieathomesick, Mariokart11



Series: Silverboys - The Aftermath [1]
Category: YG Entertainment | YG Family, YG Silverboys, YG Treasure Box (TV)
Genre: All the fallout of treasure box, Angst and Fluff and Smut, Basically memory lane, Drinking, Everyones kind of a mess, GonSuk, Hes trying his best, Houseparty things, Hyunsuk just likes Byunggon tho tbh, Hyunsuk really likes Byunggons silver chains, Hyunsuk snuck out just to see his ex wow what a bad kid, I mean its a house party, M/M, Mainly angst, Nostalgia, Post treasure box, Seunghun is also there and a worried mom as usual, Silverboys, Smoking, We decided were gonna make sure this tag is full even if we do it ourselves, dont smoke kids
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-02-25
Updated: 2019-03-06
Packaged: 2019-11-05 09:30:30
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,780
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17916242
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ieathomesick/pseuds/ieathomesick, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mariokart11/pseuds/Mariokart11
Summary: Byunggon's got Ice on his neck, Hyunsuk on his lap and the weight of the world on his mind. In which, Hyunsuk gets thrown back into nostalgia for the past after he sneaks out to a house party just to see a certain dinosaur lover and everyone's trying their best to work shit out.





	1. The Beginning of the End

**Author's Note:**

> Hello and welcome to our mess of a fic, hope you enjoy!

He could feel the cool metal bite into his skin as he learned forward to rest against his chest against his hyung’s. The chain looked heavenly on Byunggon, Hyunsuk’s eyes rarely leaving his collar bones since the the moment he’d laid eyes on it in the dimmed lights of the house party.

Hyunsuk had always loved Byunggon’s black t-shirts, usually opting to steal one of many out of his drawer when he couldn’t be bothered to drag himself home for the night. As much as he loved the look of the silver glimmering against a tight fitted black tee, it looked even better shining against his pale toned chest.

Byunggon pulled him close again, his chest flush with Hyunsuk’s, the cool metal making Hyunsuk not quite cold enough to bitch about. He had gotten used to it after a few months, the way chains that would appear around Byunggon’s neck sporadically, the way Hyunsuk could never quite bring himself to take them off, even when their clothes littered the floor.

After the first year it was expected, Hyunsuk would drag Byunggon into the bedroom when no one was home with a tiny finger hooked under the silver, pulling on it like a dog collar. Byunggon would roll his eyes, but follow nonetheless before throwing Hyunsuk’s tiny frame up on to the bed. When Byunggon would push him onto all fours and take him from behind, he would lean over and whisper filthy words into his ear. Hyunsuk would feel the cool metal pressed against his back as Byunggon told him all the different ways he was going to ruin him.

Hyunsuk was pretty sure he was Pavloved by now, and all by a silver fucking chain.

 

They had always tried to keep it away from the others, especially the kids. What they did when they were alone was their business, they all agreed on that, but sometimes Hyunsuk just couldn’t help it. He was usually good about keeping his emotions in check, pouring every last ounce of himself into their practice, but then one day Lee Byunggon decided it was a great idea to wear a tank top that seemed barely there.

Fashion had never been a problem for them, everyone had a natural sense of style, and Hyunsuk would’ve been able to maybe survive the way he could see Byunggon’s whole naked chest every time he lifted his perfectly toned arms, but there it was, thick and silver hanging around his hyung’s neck. He had made up some bullshit excuse about how he needed Byunggon to help him write a rap part and dragged a semi confused looking Byunggon out the door.

Helping his favorite puppy eyed dongsaeng with lyrics was a fairly common occurrence, but their allotted dance practice time was sacred to Hyunsuk. He would always brush his hyung’s questions about lyrics and beats off with a cute mumbled _later later_ and Byunggon would try his very best to not kiss him in front of everybody. This was why Hyunsuk dragging him out of dance practice seemed particularly odd, but Hyunsuk seemed determined and Byunggon was never opposed to helping the grey haired boy.

The second they had gotten into the studio Hyunsuk’s face lit up, Byunggon’s curiosity was overflowing. _What did you need help with?_ Hyunsuk just stared at him with a wild look in his eyes, eyes flicking from the chain to Byunggon’s questioning face. _God with that stupid fucking chain, just fuck me already._  

Byunggon could feel his jaw drop. _Oh._  

It wasn’t exactly the kind of help he was expecting the short rapper to need, they'd never had sex outside the dorm before let alone in a studio in the trainee center. _Please hyung I need you._ Hyunsuk looked so messy already, sweat drenched grey hair pushed sloppily behind his ears, Byunggon had decided to give himself over to the moment.

Hyunsuk had buried his head in Byunggon’s neck when he came, cheek pressed against the silver metal. Byunggon had had to take a minute to try and calm himself down before he finished, trying his very best to make sure Hyunsuk wouldn’t come back to dance practice with a limp.

The last thing they needed was more people to worry about them, and the last thing either of them wanted was extra attention, extra scrutiny. They did their best to hide it from the world, from YG, but there was only so much they could do. Hyunsuk had gone back to practice with come leaking out of him, running down his thighs, and Byunggon had realized he would never love anyone else the way he loved Hyunsuk.

 

It had all been so fun back then, before any type of reality had set in. But eventually it did, they would all have to work their asses off, and none of them were guaranteed debut. It was easier to feel like an adult when you realize one day you everything you love will change and you have no say in it. Growing up was no fun, instead of spending nights together they’d spend them in the studio constantly trying to be better. Their shenanigans died down, replaced with strict training regimes.

 _No more wasting time._ Those words had eaten through them all like a bullet _._ Every precious memory together, every happy moment spent goofing around with the people they loved, a _waste of time_?  Even Doyoung seemed older after that lecture, as much as Yedam held his hand and tried to tell him none of it was a waste.

They all felt their souls grow heavier.

 

When Mixnine happened, they barely had time for sleep let alone each other. Hyunsuk had gotten only one kiss, deep and bittersweet in the hallway in the dead of night. He couldn’t help but wonder if this would be what life was like after debut.

He didn’t like being away from the 11 of them together, it didn’t feel right, but just seeing Junkyu and Byunggon finally getting appreciated for their talents was more than enough to keep him going. That would be what it was for all of them soon, he couldn’t wait. He’d cried when they sent Junkyu home, the koala faced boy had told him not to worry, _I’ll be fine as soon as I step up foot back in our dorms, now you go win this._  

He’d cried more as soon as the door closed, not just got his koala but also for home. He just wanted to go back to the dorms, lay down on the couch as Seunghun and Woong cooked them all dinner, hear Jihoon screaming from some corner of the house, watch Raesung and Noa bicker like the old married couple they were. Byunggon just held him as he sobbed, telling him they’d be okay, they would be able to go home soon enough. And then they won.

Hyunsuk had never prayed so hard in his life, waiting for the ninth spot to be announced. He couldn’t hold himself back when Byunggon’s name was called, running from his place on the podium straight into Byunggon’s arms. He felt so fulfilled, so proud of them for making it. They were going to debut together, hand in hand, side by side. But the good things never last.

Hyunsuk didn’t cry when they got sat down and told the debut was cancelled, he just felt empty. It had drained them, for months, all for nothing. It was a blow to his ego, but he couldn’t let it stop him, in the bigger picture it didn’t matter if him and Byunggon didn’t debut under Mixnine because they would debut together in a permanent group, hopefully all eleven of them forever.

 

  
The bad news just kept coming. Woong had sat them down over a home cooked meal and told them all he was leaving. Everyone had just looked on in shock, no one knew what to say. Yedam just got up and wrapped him in a hug, and then the water works had started. Even after he’d packed up his things and left you could still hear sobs coming from all over the house. They’d never lost a member willingly before.

It felt like a piece of their souls was missing, but life had to go on.

The survival show came as a surprise to no one, but it was still a blow to their egos. Weren’t they already good enough? Why did they have to prove it through a survival show? Hyunsuk had had enough stress for a lifetime from Mixnine alone, he wasn’t sure how they were all going to manage and five years it would inevitably shave off everyone’s life. Byunggon had just given his hand a soft squeeze before locking himself in the studio to practice.

They had to be at the top of their game.

 

When Raesung and Noa has sat them down they all knew what was coming. _Please tell me you’re getting married, and that’s why you called his meeting._ Junkyu’s tone was joking but there was a desperation in his voice that made tears sting Hyunsuk’s eyes. Yedam looked completely crushed, the four of them had been there since the beginning together, it was always them against the world. Three boys in tears before Noa or Raesung has even opened their mouths. _I’m just going to be a full time producer, I’ll still be here at YG every day._ Raesung seemed sure that it would be okay but that didn’t make seeing him walk out of the dorms with moving boxes in his arms any easier. _I’m going home to Tokyo._ Even Raesung looked broken at Noa’s words. Japan was far, they couldn't just text him and expect to see his face a few hours later. It felt like everything they loved was falling apart.

The sniffles in the house didn’t stop for a week, just when you thought you’d gotten it out of your head it would pop back up and knock you down like a sucker punch. They had a routine stream of ‘ _stepping outside for some water’_ but even the dance studios thick walls couldn’t muffle the sobs. Their manager reminded them of the counselor they could all see if they needed it, but it wouldn’t bring the happy times back. A counselor couldn't bring the rest of their little family back.

 

When the show started the stress kicked into overdrive, ruling every waking moment. It made the stress and pressure of Mixnine seem easy in comparison. Only this time they had each other, clinging to each other with everything they had.

They trained together day and night, trying to be perfect but nothing was ever good enough for Yang Hyunsuk. Everyone quite preferred the blonde haired cute Hyunsuk, almost pitying him for sharing a namesake with that rat bastard. Things we going awfully, insult after insult, letdown after letdown. Nothing they ever did was good enough and it was starting to get to them. When Seunghun had walked out of Midam’s room with a note in his hand, the whole house had fallen apart. They didn't get to have a final performance as eight, there was a moment when they had all stood on stage together for the last time and they hadn't even realized it.

This time they caught it all on camera, the pathetic sobs, the begging to stay together. It was too much, they were losing every hyung they held dear, every member they loved so much. They had gone from a happy group of eleven to just seven in the span of a few months, after all those good years filled with happiness at the end all that was left was sorrow and stress.

As the show went on they all got closer to their dongsaengs, and to the Japanese members. If it had happened under any other circumstances Hyunsuk would’ve been thrilled but all it did was hurt more when they were all eliminated one by one.

 

The final rolled around before anyone was ready. Seunghun’s elimination and comeback had put the very last of their sanity through the ringer, but they were here now, ready to fight this battle together until the end. It seemed tragically anticlimactic for the winners to be announced at a later date, and even more cruel that even they wouldn’t know who was going to make it.

Everyone congratulated Haruto and Junghwan with excitement, and Yedam and Junkyu’s faces didn’t show victory. Yedam spent the car ride home sobbing into Seunghun’s arms. _I just wanted to stand with you all on stage, forever._ The waterworks returned, and no one got away unhugged. It had all happened so fast, it all hurt too bad. All they could do was hold each other, promise to stay in touch, wish each other the best but it all felt too unfair, too far out of their control.  _This wasn't how this was supposed to happen._

Hyunsuk fell asleep only when exhaustion took him, head buried in the crook of Byunggon’s neck as tears had dampened his shirt. Time didn’t feel real anymore, no one wanted to look at the announcements.

 _Park Jeongwoo._ He was a talented kid, he deserved it, but no one could bring themselves to be happy.

 _Yoon Jaehyuk._ He had worked hard too, it was going to be a visual filled group.

By that point they had all given up, most of them going to visit their families. His mother had been thrilled to see him, his father and siblings greeting him with warm smiles, telling him how well he’d done. He could never admit just how much he’d cried, how much he still felt like crying.

He just accepted the hugs with open arms, his mother’s cooking having never tasted better. He’d just started to get settled in his room when his door had been nearly bust down.

 Y _ou’re the seventh member Hyunsukie!_  

His heart had stopped. He’d accepted the hugs and he wanted so desperately to be as happy as his family was but he just couldn’t. _I need to go somewhere._ His mom just beamed at him. _Go celebrate with your members dear._  

He thanked her and hugged them all goodbye, hurrying out the door before the sobs set in. _Members._ The word burned through him like molten lava, the choked sobs escaped him as he hurried to the train station. It was all too much.

 _Byunggon._ He was the only thing on his mind, the only person in the world he needed right now. _How could he debut without Byunggon._ He tried to check his phone but it was full of congratulations that made him cry harder. He couldn’t bear to see what Byunggon had written, instead dialing his number while trying to make it sound like he hadn’t just been crying.

He picked up on the first ring.

 _Hyung-_ his voice sounded wrecked, the desperation and sadness was almost tastable.

 _Hyung I’m on my way over I need you please._ He could practically hear the worry in Byunggon’s silence. _I’m gonna head back to the dorms baby I’ll meet you there._ Hyunsuk nodded before releasing Byunggon couldn’t see, muttered a quick _okay_ and then collapsed again, wrenching over in the front of an alley, tears flooding his vision. _Baby._

Life had been so crazy him and Byunggon had kind of out everything they had on pause, always with the assumption they could pick it right back up after debut. _What now._ Hyunsuk couldn’t bear to think about it. He managed to get himself up, putting on a mask and glasses, for once trying to hide his tears instead of his identity.

 

The train ride took a small eternity and the blink of an eye all at once. As he walked the familiar streets he’d walked down a million times, everything felt different. If this was what growing up felt like he hated it. He couldn’t tell if he was dreading seeing Byunggon or it he was about to take of sprinting to see him faster. He was going crazy. He laughed, _how ironic_ , as he hummed the tune before it made him burst into tears all over again. That was supposed to be  _their_ song, they had performed it ages ago, it was even their voices in the demo version, and now only three of them remained. _Three out of eleven._

  
The tears flowed harder, his mask was damp and sticking to his face as he neared the dorms. They were to move immediately, everyone in treasure into treasure dorms, and everyone not in treasure, just out. He could feel his heart breaking for the millionth time. As he reached for the handle he felt like he didn’t even have the strength to open it. He just knocked, and croaked out a pathetic _Byunggon hyung._

The handle turned and he could feel every inch of his body tense.

_Byunggon hyung._

He had opened the door quickling, pulling the shorter boy inside. He held onto Hyunsuk like his life depended on it, arms wrapped so tight around him neither of them could breathe. They stood there in the dark of the dorms together, for the last time. The tears flowed as silence overpowered the little room. It was all over, everything they’d be through together was for nothing. They would never stand side by side on stage, poke fun at each other on TV shows, Byunggon would never be there when Hyunsuk had a bad day, he would have no one to run to in tears, no one to love him the way only Byunggon could.

He wished they could just freeze time, stay in that moment forever, just the two of them. A pocket universe where nothing else had to exist, just them in the dorm they’d truly grown up in. Their first kiss, first whispered _I love you,_ their first everything was under the roof of the dorm. Every precious memory he had, filled with faces he wouldn’t get to see anymore.

He felt like he couldn’t breathe, drowning in his own tears as he sobbed into Byunggon’s shoulder. They’d held tight to each other, not a word said, until the sun rose, robbing them of their dreamland. Hyunsuk had to go to the YG building to report for his new group, and Byunggon had to go decide how he was going to live. There was too much on the tip of his tongue, _I can help you look for apartments, it should’ve been you, please don’t leave, I love you,_ but he didn’t say a word. Byunggon placed a hand on Hyunsuk’s face, kissing him with all the love in the world. Hyunsuk could feel the tears in his eyes. It felt too much like a goodbye.

Byunggon walked out of the dorm, Hyunsuk heard the lock click shut and he felt himself collapse. Life as he knew it was over, everything was going to change. He buried his face in the hoody Byunggon had left behind, trying to use it as a lifeline but he was too far gone. He set an alarm for an hour before he needed to be on the Seventh Floor, and gave himself over to sleep.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which, Treasure 13 has their first schedule and Hyunsuk gets a lot of hugs.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All the support and comments make so so soft and happy, thanks for reading everyone! Enjoy :)

The first few days as Treasure 13 took the breath out of Hyunsuk’s chest. _Mat-hyung,_ the oldest of them. He’d grown so used to Seunghun and Byunggon’s parental ways he barely knew how to take care of himself, let alone 12 dongsaengs. You could see the lack of sleep under his eyes as makeup artists hurried to fix every blemish on his skin, they had to be absolutely perfect. The one upside to the chaos of being in a new group full of people he didn’t know was that he didn’t have a single second to think about anything but Treasure 13.

Every time the thought of the familiar faces that were missing from the dance studio creeped into his head, someone pulled him off somewhere to help. _Hyunsuk-hyung, can you look over my rap? Hyunsuk-hyung, how does this part of the dance go? Hyunsuk-hyung?_ It never stopped, and he embraced the distraction with everything he had, running through dance moves until it hurt to move, rapping until his throat was sore and his vocal coach ordered him on vocal rest until the end of the day. 

Every now and then he would see the look of pity in Junkyu’s eyes when he though Hyunsuk couldn’t see, it hurt worse than the soreness of his muscles so he practiced again, wrote more, worked harder. He had barely made it in, he had to prove he deserved to be there.

Their first V-live as a group stung like lemon on a fresh cut, it burned as the memories of him and Junkyu laughing at Byunggon’s nervous demeanor on their holiday Mixnine V-live cut through him. He wished he could run his fingers through the familiar hair, calm them both down just by looking into his hyung’s dark brown eyes, but Byunggon wasn’t there to save him. Yedam and Junkyu looked just as miserable, he hoped the makeup was caked on hard enough, hoped the contacts would hide the dead look in their eyes.

His bangs fell in his eyes, and he was grateful he wasn’t center stage. For once he was relieved their group was filled by so many visuals, surely no one’s attention would stay on him long enough to tell something was wrong. He loved what he did, loved his company, hell he even loved the trainees that surrounded him but something was missing and they all knew what it was.

The moment they went off air, all scrambling around to get fed and get home, Doyoung walked up to him and wrapped him in a hug. He pressed his face into his maknae’s chest, hugging him back until he could barely breathe. He just ruffled Dobby’s hair, congratulating him for doing well in the live, a silent _I don’t want to talk about it_ that Doyoung picked up on immediately. No one would ever know him like silverboys did, it hurt just to think about so he went and drowned his sorrows in noodles and congratulations on their first ever schedule as Treasure 13 came to an end.

Yedam just took him and Junkyu by the hand on the way home, the silence falling over them like a blanket. No one knew him better. They walked in a line breathing in the cool Seoul air, so buried in snow gear no one could possibly recognize them. The unspoken _I love you_ of Yedam’s small hands gripping theirs tightly was enough to warm Hyunsuk’s heart. When they finally reached their dorm, shedding their snow gear and the frostbite at the door, Hyunsuk couldn’t help but wrap Yedam and Junkyu up in his arms. He wasn’t alone, he couldn’t forget that.

 

It was easy enough to settle into their new routine, the same practice, same instructors just new faces but after the first few days the new faces became familiar. The emptiness of the faces he’d seen every day for so many years still loomed over him, but he was warming up, settling in.

The knock at his door was expected, he was assuming it was either Jeongwoo there to see Haruto or someone asking for help. He dragged himself out of bed, glancing at the clock. Eleven O’clock, the darkness had mainly consumed the dorm and there was a soft silence that was rare for such a packed dorm. He tried not to think about the way he’d cried as the moving boxes had been packed away.

He opened the door expecting one of the youngsters, and found himself face to face with Park Jihoon. It wasn’t like Jihoon needed help writing a rap, and he could out dance Hyunsuk in his sleep so he was left, standing there in his pajamas, puzzled. _Can we talk?_ Hyunsuk’s puzzlement only grew, but he nodded and followed Jihoon out to the living room.

_Hyung, are you okay? I’m worried about you._ Jihoon looked so sweet in his cat pajamas, the worry visible even by the dim light of the desk lamp as they sat on the couch. _I’m okay Jihoonie, thanks for asking._ He ruffled the boy’s black hair and looked at him fondly. Jihoon just sighed. _I know you’re not hyung, you’ve never been very good with change._ Now it was his turn to sigh, maybe they knew him a little too well. _You’re right Jihoonie, but you don’t have to worry. I’ll be alright, I just need some time._ Jihoon smiled, opening his arms for a hug. Hyunsuk gladly accepted, forever in awe of how soft and gentle the loudmouth could be.

In his mind, that was what he wanted to believe, he just needed time. He was an adult now, he would deal with change and he would be fine.

It didn’t matter how many times he said it to himself, there was still a part of himself missing.

 

  
He sat for an hour in bed, just staring at the screen of his phone. Just one tap, that was all it would take to hear Byunggon’s voice again. He sat there under his blankets, frozen as if he’d been left out in the snowy Seoul streets. He just stared at the contact, the picture of them Byunggon had chosen for his contact photo, the number he had memorized by heart. He’d never felt so far away from him, he didn’t even know where he’d moved to. He assumed back in with his family, the thought of the Lee’s just made his heart hurt more.

He’d never been introduced to them as Byunggon’s boyfriend, but they’d treated him like part of the family from the day they met him. The thought of losing them, of losing Byunggon had never even crossed his mind. They were perfect for each other, they always had been. Even before they were able sort out their feelings, their sexualities, they had been together, side by side. They had trained together from the start, they had joined Team A together hand in hand. Every moment Hyunsuk could think of where he felt pride, or happiness, Byunggon had always been by his side.

He could pretend like he would get used to the overwhelming loneliness but all that would do was make him a liar. In the moments he had to breathe, away from everyone else, Byunggon was the only thing on his mind. He shut off his phone, plugging it into the wall before he buried his face in his pillow, searching for sleep.

  


After the first week, things had settled. They had all fallen into their new routine with ease, and things had finally smoothed out. Everyone hurried to see the weekly schedule as their manager hung it on the wall. _SATURDAY- Free._ Hyunsuk’s stomach dropped, an entire day with nothing to do. He wished he could stay in the studios and just practice, keep running from reality, but being there alone would only make it worse. He needed to get out and do something, fill his mind with something else. He looked through the contacts on his phone, quickly scrolling past the one he’d stared at for so long, trying to find someone to fill his time.

Raesung picked up on the second ring, asking him how he’s been, apologizing for not coming to visit. _Are you free this Saturday? We have a day off._ Raesung laughed, he could feel the boy’s smile through the phone. _I’m always free for you Hyung, let’s go for lunch._ Hyunsuk’s heart felt heavy as the love he had in his heart for his members washed over him, _his_ silverboys. He let himself get caught up in it until the sharp knock on his door reminded them they needed to be ready and at the door in 10 minutes to go to training. He still made his way about the dorm with a smile on his face, YG’s young hottest producer had cleared his day just to spend time with him and Hyunsuk couldn’t wait.

  


When he saw the black hoody and headphones he had to stop himself from tackling the boy with a hug in the middle of the cafe. _Raesung-ah._ The producer pulled off his headphones and smiled up at Hyunsuk, before getting up to give him a big hug. _I missed you hyung._ Hyunsuk just smiled, hugging the taller boy back tightly. _I missed you too._ Lunch flowed so easily, it seemed like old times had never ended. Every time Raesung smiled it felt like some of the weight on his chest was lifted.

He’d been doing well for himself, planning trips to LA and making more music than one man could ever release in a lifetime. Him and his funny friends squad were thriving, and it made Hyunsuk happy to see Raesung doing so well. Everyone remembered the first few months after Noa left, his eyes had just looked empty when he’d come back from Tokyo.

They’d made it work in their own way, but going from sharing a room to being an ocean apart had taken a crushing toll. They were both happier now, both seemed to glow when they talked. Here he was, in the same city as the only person he’d ever love, and he couldn’t even bring himself to send him a text.

He watched with a smile as Raesung’s eyes gleamed when he talked about Noa’s plans to visit, promising to see him even if they had to crash a schedule. He looked so happy it was contagious, and Hyunsuk found himself smiling too, for the first time in a while.

He could hear the words Raesung said before he said them just by the hesitation, the tone of his voice, soft like he was treading on eggshells. _You haven’t been answering on the group chat, even when you had no time on Mixnine you’d respond._ Hyunsuk could feel himself cringe, the guilt washing over him. _I know, I’m sorry. It’s just a lot._ He knew he couldn’t handle seeing words those hands he worshiped had typed, he didn’t want to know how Byunggon’s day had been, or what he was up to because he’d end up in his arms where he belonged. But that wasn’t his home anymore, it couldn’t be.

That night in the rain had felt too much like a goodbye, Byunggon hadn’t reached out since, he hadn’t heard a word from those soft lips. Raseung patted his hand under the table, seemingly reading his mind. _It’s okay hyung, we just miss you._ Even that made him smile, a glum look on his face. _I miss you all too, so much._ Raesung looked at him with the wisdom of the world in his eyes. _We’re always here hyung, forever._ If he were prouder he would’ve denied the tears that pooled in his eyes but instead he got up and let himself be wrapped up, safe in Raesung’s arms.

He needed to reconnect with the people who he loved more than anything, and he knew what he had to do. _Where’s Byunggon-hyung been staying? I figure I should get closure._ He spoke so softly he barely heard his own words as they rode away on the cold winter wind. Raesung just smiled, raising an eyebrow. _Where do you think Mama Lee’s favorite son would go?_ Hyunsuk just laughed, trying his best not to burst into tears. It was happening too fast, all the things he’d been running away from were not only washing over him but almost right in front of him.

Raesung walked him to the train station, wrapping him up in a big hug. _Good luck hyung._ He thanked the boy, trying his best not to let the love in his heart knock him off his feet. Just because they weren’t debuting together didn’t mean they were no longer a family. It would be the eleven of them forever, no matter where they ended up in life. With those thoughts in his mind he boarded the train, and typed out a message.

_We should talk, I can be over in 15._ He pushed send with his eyes closed, trying his best not to die of a heart attack. He got a response almost immediately. _Okay._ Just okay? That was all? They’d been together for three years, inseparable since long before that, and all Byunggon could manage was an okay? He wanted to be mad but all he could feel was hurt. Still, it was just a stupid text message, he needed to keep it together and save it for real life Byunggon.

 

The moment the train arrived, all of his previous hesitation returned and every part of him was screaming to run, to escape. He knew what he was afraid of, he’d been running so he didn’t have to heart Byunggon say all the words that needed to be said. He wasn’t ready to deal with a properly broken heart, it was easier just to pretend that there was nothing but practice on his mind. But this needed to come to a close, for his own sake. He needed to be able to surround himself with the people he loved, and he couldn’t do that if he could barely bare to read Byunggon’s name.

 The walk to Byunggon’s childhood home had never seemed shorter, he found himself missing all the distractions they used to find along the way. From neighborhood pets to cool cars, from beautiful flowers to each others lips. Mrs. Lee would never scold them for being late, she would just lovingly roll her eyes and mumble about how easily distracted her youngest son was.

The walk up to the front door made his knees weak, trying his best to put one foot in front of the other. He texted Byunggon that he was outside, hoping that somehow he wouldn’t have to look into the loving eyes of his family. He couldn’t handle anything but the task at hand, he just had to get through this before the rest of his world could continue.

The door opened quickly, and he found himself just staring into those dark brown eyes like an idiot. _Byunggon-hyung._

He could barely breathe as he gazed up at the man he loved so much, trying his best to keep himself together. _You said you wanted to talk?_ Byunggon’s voice washed over him like a tidal wave, he’d just missed everything about him so much he wasn’t entirely sure what to do, but he came here with a mission. _Yeah, I do._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all again for reading! Sorry to leave it on such a cliff hanger, I promise this update will be quicker than the last haha.

**Author's Note:**

> If you smoke cigarettes mom Seunghun will crawl out from under your bed and scold you, fun fact. Also A03 puts (MAGNUM) at the end of Doyong and Jihoon's names ouch my heart. Sorry if the structure is a little confusing, basically they're at a party and then the backstory kicks in (we'll get back to the party soon I promise.) Thanks so much for reading!


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